Friday, March 4, 2016

Learning to Deal

Hi guys. Harvest here.

So I've been having some rather troublesome problems lately. I felt that talking them out in a blog post on here would be best therapy for me becuase I know that some of you may have some of the problems that I have and can send me messages or comment what you think about the situation.

I suffer from a variety of different issues with my lady parts. I have PCOS and vaginismus. Let me give you a little background on them.

PCOS is a relatively common issue. It stands for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Basically that means that your parts have cysts in them that are not exactly pleasant to have there, and also they can pop up in large quantities. It's not exactly a fun situation to be in.

Vaginismus I still have issues describing. Basically what happens is either a mental or physical reason that causes an inability to insert anything into the vaginal area, usually resulting in extreme pain or discomfort (or both).

I know what you're thinking... "How can someone have sex like that?"

Well. I don't.

It has become such a painful thing that I really don't have sex at all anymore. My Owner is very understanding and I take care of Him in other ways to the best of my abilities. For our anniversary the other day, we thought we might try having sex again. Buuuuut.... once again my usual problems caused me to start screaming bloody murder from the pain and we had to stop.

This has really been getting to me. I don't feel like a regular person.

I went to the OB GYN (I'm female by birth, much to my dismay) and she told me that I was pretty much clenching furiously and that anything that touched me was freaking me out so bad I clenched up again. She told me that this is caused by a past trauma. She asked me if I had ever been abused. I admitted that I had been raped and molested.

I hate admitting that. It makes me feel weak and incompetant.

But, she said there are ways to work on this. I have to start going to a physical therapy session in the city an hour or so from me and I have to go and see my therapist about why I am still dealing with this problem and how I can get over it.

I am better than this. I can be me again someday. Just not now.

I will be doing some research into support groups for rape victims. Once I find something that I know is good, I will keep you all informed. But for now, I'm just going to go be depressed.


-Harvest Hellion

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